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{I'm okay- Monday, December 31, 2012 @ 1:04 AM}

Don't worry, just trying to get some unwanted, disorganized thoughts out of my head before I start a new year.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
So at one point in my life, I think I deserved to be called stupid, needy, that I can't live without you, that I don't demand attention, that I don't care whether you pay attention to me or not, that I don't have a say, that I deserved to be stepped on over and over again for your own pleasure.
And sadly, there are many things that I believe I don't deserve too.

I had no place because you knew where you wanted to be all along. Everything that happened was all for show, because there was no place else to go, nothing else to do. Because at that time, you were here. Not there. Maybe I make a lot of assumptions, but you can't deny that most of them are right.
And you know what? I'm not even surprised, but disappointed, that I was right.
Why am I disappointed? Because if everything that I, even if just briefly, think about, becomes true, then there's going to be a lot of disappointments heading my direction. I'm not even talking about things where if I think about it a lot, it becomes true, because in all these examples, they didn't have anything to do with me. Unless you say my predictions influenced your choices. But remember, it only happened because you know it's true.
I'm not mad either. Maybe mad at myself you letting what you do what you did. For making me regret. So much, that I can't forgive myself lol. That it shouldn't have happened. But I should be glad that I don't think of you. Because if it ruined anything else, I'll be damned.
But maybe I'm laughing on the inside. Maybe from my insanity, maybe just you. For being a hypocrite. Some things that you said were true too though. Friends, he says. But like I said, I'm not mad, nor do I have a reason to be for that.
Your jokes aren't funny. You piss me off. What happened will never happen again. I'm no fun to be around because I chose to be that way, not because I'm in a phase. Although I was. I'm not afraid of you because what you did was way worse than anything that I could have done. Your words don't mean anything to me. The only thing that I hate are the images that come up sometimes. But that's common, so don't feel too special.
What I said wasn't a joke. As you may have realized that my sarcasm towards you are not jokes. Maybe I have forgiven, but not forgotten. As much as I want to do some things, I'm still snickering at the back of my head. Everything just seems like a stupid idea, as it was proven to be.
Or maybe I really am just stupid. Because only stupid people believe they are always right. Oh right, you did prove I am stupid, because I'm stubborn and I never change.
But I'm relieved, that I only had this much to say.