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{- Thursday, August 9, 2012 @ 5:26 PM}

Don't read, super rant post.
Lots of unnecessary swearing.

Today, I was in a relatively happy mood because I finally got to do interesting things at the pharmacy like prepare blister packs and not the stupid cash. I was even more happy when the technician told me to teach the volunteer, who was coming in after me, how to do them. I hope she doesn't mess up -_-
Why do I feel happy teaching her? Because she's a fucking little bitch. She gives the attitude that she's better than everyone else and that her farts smell better than everyone else's. And what do we have here? That's right mother fucker, I'm the one teaching you shit. Not the other way around. Seems like a pretty insignificant task but... I'll take what I have to work with. Usefulness +1.
When I told her she'll be packaging the meds for probably her whole shift, she GROANED, and said she'd rather do the cash. You little bitch, said you want to be a pharmacist and would rather do cash? Go fucking work at McDicks then. Go do the cash all day long. Why are you here?
..... and yeppp, totally took my anger out on the wrong person lol.

THEN, shit happens.
You know what I hate besides being blamed for things I didn't do? Being a burden. I hate feeling useless and being the reason why things aren't going well. Being a bit self-centered here, but it kiiiiiinda sucks when you're the reason (not sole reason) behind something.
So all that usefulness +1, and self-confidence +1 from earlier, went straight down the drain cus said news brought it down to -130928301293.
Fuck, I just want to graduate so bad and have a job so my dad doesn't have to fucking slave off every day. Makes me even guiltier knowing I fucked around for a year instead of trying to get into pharmacy... And now gotta wait an extra year for everything to happen ASSUMING, I get in while he fucking works his ass off and he's going to come home looking dejected, and tired, and in pain. They're going to fucking work him until he literally falls apart, breaks something and unable to work, get stuck in the middle of another robbery, get shot in the head, tied up and kicked around -_-...........................................................
And if some shit happens to my mom, then the above is just going to be worse.
Touch wood that all this will never happen.
..aaaaaand I'm probably making this sound worse than it actually is, because I still have a brother.
Actually, no, I'm not exaggerating. We're happily situated on top of a cliff that could potentially crumble. It just hasn't happened yet. And until I fucking grow up, and have the power to move us out of there, I'll be thinking about this everyday (y).

Pretend you never read this.
Just, don't ask.