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{Underestimate- Friday, May 6, 2011 @ 3:33 AM}

I know that when I'm tired, I start thinking about you. I never understood how your heart can ache from emotional pain. I still don't know the answer because I find it so obscure. How is it that I'm smiling from the memories yet be so upset at the same time? I don't want to think about you like this anymore, but I don't know how to stop it because I want to remember. I want to be able to see you in my mind and remember everything with detail. I don't want to lose this feeling because it was so different. I want to forget, but I can't.

When I try to forget him, I end up thinking about you because you were there. I start wondering what you know and what you remember from that night. I start remembering the dumb things that I did and my mind is more confused than it was to begin with. Frustration follows closely after and my mind is trying to piece everything together... But nothing makes sense. I wonder if any of it actually meant something but like always I dismiss that thought because it's so silly.

Although there's a mixture of emotions, I'm scared. Of you and myself. You, because I can't read you. Me, because I can't control what I do. I'm scared that the same things will happen- just like it does each time. Because I can't trust anyone, especially not myself. But who is to say that I can even get a chance to try to learn about you? You're in a completely different world- a world that I can't compete with. Sometimes my only hope is to be happy just seeing your spaceship pass by with the occasional stop for gas, food, and directions.

I'm completely wacked as you can see. It's no wonder you think ill of me.
This summer seems like a summer filled with such false hopes.

Go to sleep, you.
Can I ask for a dream tonight?